If we didn't have kids

If we didn't have kids

We'd be DINKs with lots of chink

What can we buy with double the income

Lots of stuff for ourselves

And plenty other events to go to

Then we had kids

One of us bade our job goodbye

Four fellows now share the spoils

Still we saved more

Than when there were only two

If we didn't have kids

My wardrobe gets new additions

Every time I hit the shops

Suits, bags and shoes

Money buys some satisfaction

Then we had kids

Their wardrobe gets new additions

Every time I hit the shops

Pink dresses or Spidey Ts

Giggles brings instant gratification

If we didn't have kids

We'd live in the city

In a cosy apartment by the sea

Fiddling with fancy gadgets

Lounging on the balcony

Then we had kids

Chose a house in the country

Flanked by flowers and trees

Cycling on gravel tracks

Running in the forestry

If we didn't have kids

We'd choose a fancy restaurant

Every evening, a new menu

We'll hang out late into the night

Maybe some friends over for a chat

Then we had kids

I whip up yummy-licious stews

Every day, a fresh menu

We exchange hugs and kisses before bed

They get more when sound asleep

If we didn't have kids

We'd take off for hols this week

Get on a plane with some clothes

Shopping, coffee and dinners

In Barcelona, Paris or Rome

Then we had kids

Packing for hols take a week

Extra large suitcase with more on board

Shopping, food and rides

Disneyland, the beach or the zoo

If we didn't have kids

We'd have more time

And money too

We can go wherever we want

And eat whatever we want

Then we had kids

We share all that we have

Time and money too

Love and joy multiplied

There's nothing else we want

Happiest Place in the World

Feeling blue?

Walt Disney's dream to create the Happiest Place on Earth gave birth to the theme park of theme parks - Disneyland. Here, children and adults indulge their fantasies in oversized stuffed animals, wild rides and make-believe kingdoms.

But I am not talking about short-term escapism but real life.

The OECD has found the happiest places in the world: Denmark is tops, followed by Finland and the Netherlands.

Yes! Finland is one of the happiest places in the world.

Finland is a nice place to be in. I continue with gripes about high cost of living but otherwise, life here is great.

Finns generally aren't particular about wealth, brands and other status symbols that many Asians are mad about. They enjoy sports, music, spending time with their families and friends. Children in Finland are encouraged to play. Not to conform to parents' or society's template of who they should be but to grow into a person who is ready to make friends and enjoy life.

While North European countries are some of the happiest (others on the top 10 list include Denmark, Sweden and Norway), someone left a comment on the Forbes article that these are also countries with some of the highest suicide rates. Maybe it's because the people here tend to be introverts or they may be troubled by long dark nights during the winter months. Finland has two tragic cases of school shootings, just 1 year apart from each other.

Nevertheless, Finns take any indication that their people are not happy quite seriously. There were local news reports that Finnish children are stressed... please, they haven't compared themselves to kids in Asia yet. Or studies that show children who exhibit disorderly behaviour tend to have trouble integrating with society later on.

No place in the world is perfect.

Thankfully, we and the people around us belong to the happy group.

Nothing to do - how blissful

In Finland, May 1 is called Vappu Paiva. The Finns celebrate Vappu with colourful balloons, preferably filled with helium, pom-poms, streamers and lots of drinks. The kids had a party in school and had their faces painted. You will see Jules' Spiderman/Optimus Prime Transformer-inspired art in the video and Estelle had her hair coloured purple too.

Over the long weekend last week, we took a short trip to Hanko. Hanko is a seaside town west of Helsinki, over 120 km by road. 

We see the name "Hanko" almost every day because we travel on the highway that leads to this little town whenever we send the kids to school. It didn't occur to us to find out more about this place until our friends suggested our families do something together.

We set off from our home in Espoo at around 4 pm and arrived in Hanko at 6. Our apartment at Villa Lundmark was great - neat, equipped and tastefully furnished. 

Hanko used to be a spa town and many large villas were built in the 1800s. In later days, rooms in the villas were segregated into smaller apartments, much like the one we stayed in. As such, we could enjoy the experience of living in a villa with modern facilities like electricity, shower/toilet and kitchen - some things we take for granted in modern life.

We arrived on Thursday evening and set out to paint the town red on Friday. We wondered if we chose a wrong time to come. The streets were empty and shops were closed. Our friends from China thought that Hangzhou was tranquil but Hanko took "quiet little town" to the extreme. Not surprising, since the population of even a third-tier Chinese city often exceeds that of Finland's.

There are several restaurants along the coast but only a handful are open. One of the activities recommended by the Hanko tourist guide is "check out the new menus of the restaurants as they open their doors again". More will open as the crowds check in. HG thinks the town will probably be quite busy in summer when Finns raid the beach in search of a spot to worship the sun. 

We walked along the sandy beaches and climbed little granite mounts. Since there is little else to do, we simply walked around town and took in the sights. Besides interesting buildings, like lighthouses and villas, statues and monuments are scattered around town, many of which are testaments to Hanko's military past. 

Villa Orman has a cafe serving drinks and pastries as well as a second hand bookshop, something I'd very much looked forward to. The small section of English books had some obscure titles. The gem I unearthed is the Good Housekeeping Electric Casserole Cook Book. It has a collection of recipes, from soups to stews to desserts, for slow cookers, also known as crock pots. 

"Cooking with an electric casserole has all sorts of advantages but there's no doubt it's a new technique to master," goes the foreword. Funny because crock pots aren't fashionable nowadays. Published in 1978, this book is truly a sign of the times. I bought it because I want to try out new recipes on my own little crock pot, a wedding gift that I've now found extremely useful.

Hanko welcomes visitors to do nothing - how blissful. A simple life, indeed.

Me and my faith

I am inspired to log in this entry after reading some news and blogs on the goings-on of the Aware saga.

I'm not going to say who is right or who is wrong because I don't know. None of the materials paint the whole picture and many writers have already made up their minds about the mechanics of the affair. At this point, it seems that the issue has become a Christianity versus LGBT tussle.

Whenever there is any mention of Aware, the inevitable joke is whether to enrol our men in Amare. Who knows this NGO could whip up such a storm.

Would there be any response from the general public if the new ex-co is made up of LGBT? If Christians react, we are labelled as bigoted fundamentalists. If we keep mum, it shows we condone/accept their lifestyle. Damned if we do, damned if we don't.

The Straits Times asked in a headline, "Will new ex-co impose personal beliefs?" What kind of question is this? Everyone has beliefs. If one joins an organisation which runs counter to his/her belief, this person would 1. protest, 2. leave, or 3. do nothing because it doesn't matter anyway. If options (1) or (2) are taken, this person is named a trouble-maker. 

I remember catching the Singapore debut of Broadway show Rent many years ago. I'd looked forward to it after reading the excellent critiques and listening to one of its hit songs, the one that goes "525 600 minutes..."

DBS had withdrawn its sponsorship due to the show's thorny issues (HIV, drugs, etc) just a week before opening night. Perhaps the troupe wanted to prove their point, their performance wasn't just good technically, their passion and vigour shone through.

However, I finished the show feeling somewhat disgruntled. 

The HIV+ guy, drug addict and bohemian dancer discovered the meaning of life. The normal guy - the one who has a regular job and doesn't dabble in drugs or other unsavoury practices - was still lost, hanging in the air.

The performance ended to a standing ovation. I walked away wondering what's wrong with living life "normally". Does one have to live an alternate lifestyle to truly find oneself?

Outside of my Christian circle, I seldom refer to my "religious beliefs". In my work, I'm a professional journalist; in my home, I'm a loving and responsible mom; socially, I'm a forthcoming and helpful friend. I am not ashamed to tell people I'm Christian, however, I'd like them to like me, the qualities I possess and the values I hold close to my heart. I would like people to ask why I am what I am and hopefully, they will be impressed that Jesus is my God.

I had engaged in long conversations with friends about Christianity, about God. Many times, these talks turned combative, especially when my friend(s) posed questions like "Can God create a rock so big it will kill himself?" By then, I would be terribly frustrated, angry and emotional. I was fed up with my friend and myself because the conversation wasn't constructive, it wasn't leading anywhere and I couldn't express myself adequately to reach a conclusion that satisfied both parties.

Then again, even CS Lewis had to think really long and deep to find answers to such questions.

Age has caught up with me. I have mellowed. Thus a change in strategy (is this an appropriate description?) to share my faith.

Meanwhile, I think it is important for Christians to make friends from all walks of life. Some Christians are really naive about the real world. Did the new AWARE people consider the recoil when they took on the "old guard"? The leaked e-mails leads me to think otherwise.

There is a Chinese saying, "Know yourself and the enemy, and you will win a hundred battles out of hundred." From Sun Tzi, no?

My place in this world

Relocation is not a straightforward choice for many people, especially those with families. To move or not to move?

As the world goes global, so do the people who work in it. Unless one serves only the local market, it is not uncommon to see "some travel required" on a job ad. Some travel more than others. In certain cases, the family goes travelling too.

The Tohs seem to fit in anywhere they go, don't we? Outside Singapore, we have lived in China and now, Finland. 

China is a common place for foreigners to work in, especially in large cities like Shanghai or Beijing. It is often assumed that since we are ethnic Chinese and speak Mandarin, we would have little trouble fitting in to Beijing.

Finland is a different story. It has an extreme climate - up to six months of winter compared to a whole year of heat and humidity in Singapore. We don't speak the language and have little variety with regards to food.

I am thankful that I had spent many years prior to relocating travelling all over the world. As a journalist, I ventured to far-out places to meet people of different countries and cultures in varied forms of transport. I remember visiting a small city is southern China where my colleague and I were so relieved to see McDonald's; here, we knew exactly what we were eating.

This is probably why our family transit smoothly when we relocate. I, the general manager and logistics head of this family, had already clocked experience in a previous job.

I know and have also heard of families, particular the moms, who are struggling in a new country. 

A friend shared with me a mom from Malaysia isn't happy in Singapore. More than one Chinese (from PRC) in Finland have told me they would approach total strangers who looked Asian to ask if they were Chinese too. 

I'd say that the moms are usually bear the brunt of "relocation anxiety". The husbands are busy at work anyway and moms will always try their best to help their kids settle in. Then who will help the moms?

Many moms become disengaged and are left to their own devices. 

The first step is the align our expectations with reality. We have to face the challenges bravely and positively. I try not to compare what is lacking but rather look for solutions, for there will always be one. It may not be the best-case scenario but it's likely to be better than the worst. 

I also think it is important to make friends. My profile is not one of an extrovert but I try to meet new people and learn more about their lives. I found that everyone has an interesting tale to tell and it's fun to discuss our similarities and differences.

Last weekend, we finally connected to our neighbours, after nearly one year. We've so far only greeted each other briefly and on Sunday, we met them outside our home after the kids went cycling. We could have gone home straightaway but we lingered to chat and our kids played together. 

On Monday evening, our neighbour knocked on our door and his son came in to play. Today, our kids rang their bell and all the kids played together outside. What a breakthrough!

There are days when I'm alone and have no one to talk to. Blogging is one of my outlets. Now that it's spring time, I can work in my garden again. Or I'll look up new recipes and try them out on my 3 guinea pigs.

Our stay in Finland may come to a close end of this year. I hope to carry on for a few more years. Why? That's another story. We are also ready to move to a new country or city. At this point, we don't have a destination. I'm confident our family is well taken care of, so we are awaiting further instructions. 

To this end, I would like to share one of my favourite songs. Michael W Smith recently sang this with the Jonas Brothers (you can find it on YouTube) but the screaming girls in the background spoilt it for me. I'm not even going to provide you the link.

Anyway, here is the song.

The wind is moving 

But I am standing still 

A life of pages 

Waiting to be filled 

A heart thats hopeful 

A head that's full of dreams 

But this becoming Is harder than it seems 

Feels like I'm

Chorus: 

Looking for a reason 

Roaming through the night to find 

My place in this world 

My place in this world 

Not a lot to lean on 

I need your light to help me find 

My place in this world 

My place in this world 

If there are millions 

Down on their knees 

Among the many 

Can you still hear me 

Hear me asking 

Where do I belong 

Is there a vision 

That I can call my own 

Show me I'm